Self-confidence is a necessary part of having healthy relationships. Without it, we can become needy, overbearing, jealous and angry. Improving your self-confidence is one thing, but helping someone else improve theirs is a whole different task. Because self-esteem comes from within, it's often difficult to change the mind of someone else. It can be easy to get frustrated and want to leave, but it's important that you practice patience, as making these kinds of changes in personality often takes time.
Instructions
- 1 Be patient. It's easy to get down when your boyfriend constantly talks about how he's unworthy. Even though you may be nice to him and try to compliment him, he could shrug it off and continue to be self-deprecating. Just realize that these changes take time. Stay persistent with your encouragement.
2 Give him random compliments. It's one thing to compliment him back when he says something nice to you, but it will mean much more if you tell him, for example, how good he looks for no reason at all. If he combats you and says "No I don't," quickly reply with "Yes, you do," and then change the subject. Don't let him obsess on negativity.
3 Stop negativity without giving him too much attention. We all have problems, and sometimes it's necessary to vent. But when he begins speaking negatively about himself, you need to firmly and clearly say, "That's not true. I'm serious and don't believe it for one second." While listening is essential, it's also vital that you put a stop to negativity without coddling or sympathizing too much. Giving him too much attention for these negative statements will cause him to acquire a learned behavior, where he speaks negatively about himself to get attention from you.
4 Ask him to speak with a doctor about his feelings. Low self-esteem and depression share several of the same symptoms, including a low sense of self-worth. Your boyfriend may have depression, in which case, his doctor may prescribe anti-depressants.
5 Encourage your boyfriend to speak with a psychologist. Even if he's on antidepressants, therapy may help him more accurately find the root of his problem and therefore help eliminate it.
6 Set a limitation. You must learn to be patient, caring and firm when dealing with a boyfriend who has low confidence. However, you must also put a limit on how long you're willing to put up with this behavior. If he shows no will to change himself, then you may want to consider leaving. Although it's easier said than done, breaking up may be best for both of you.
