What Causes Low Self Esteem in Women?

A woman's self esteem is the ability to feel good about herself and the knowledge from the inside out that she is fine just the way she is, even though she is not perfect. Several factors cause a loss of self esteem in women, such as abusive experiences, absorbed negative messages from relationships or from society and culture, insufficient emotional or physical comfort and unattainable expectations.

Abusive Experiences

Emotional, mental, physical, sexual and verbal abuse all impact the way a woman views herself.
The nefarious aspect of abuse is that it harms a woman's image of herself even if it was unjust, criminal or simply enacted out of immaturity. Many women were bullied repeatedly at school as girls. Even though this may have been done by aggressive, immature and even emotionally disturbed children, a woman's esteem of herself may suffer for a lifetime.
Sexual abuse, by family members or by strangers, at an early age, is one of the strongest assaults on a woman's self esteem. Because being a woman often means seeing herself in relationship to others, women face the danger of putting too much emphasis on how others see and treat them. If they are abused, self-abuse can easily follow, which diminishes self-esteem.

Absorbed Negative Messages

A woman can lose confidence in and esteem for her self-hood and personality by absorbing negative messages from abusive, overly critical or malicious personal encounters. These negative messages can reach a woman in a dysfunctional family, through the loss of a job or in an especially bitter divorce.
A woman can also absorb negative cultural messages that erode feminine self esteem. Ultra-thin models assault a woman on the cover of magazines as she shops, goes to the movies or watches television and highlight, by contrast, what appear to be the woman's physical inadequacies.

Insufficient Comfort

Finding herself in a situation where she must cope with insufficient emotional or physical comfort for long periods of time can also erode a woman's self esteem.
If a woman works hard at a taxing job that offers her little pleasure, or lives alone when she is not the loner type, or suffers financially or experiences significant pain from physical ailments, chances are the woman will suffer from low self-esteem, blaming herself consciously or unconsciously for her uncomfortable life circumstances.

Unattainable Expectations

A woman's own unattainable expectations can also deprive a woman of positive self-esteem. If she subscribes to the notion that she must be a Super Mom, look like a model or lose weight quickly, satisfy her husband's every whim and have a brilliant career as well as perfectly behaved children, she is bound to be disappointed in herself.

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Guides On Building a Toddler's Self-Esteem

Having self-confidence is important for a child of any age, toddlers included. At the toddler stage, kids go through a lot mentally, physically and socially when they're around other children their age at preschool and day care. If you notice your toddler exhibiting low self-esteem, act fast to improve her self-confidence. Having good self-esteem is important to a toddler's development as it gives the child courage to develop important skills and the willingness to take care of herself, according to the KidsHealth website.

Instructions

1 Show your child unconditional love at all times, being sure to repeatedly tell him you will love him no matter what. Toddlers are intelligent and aware of their surroundings. Be sure to constantly remind him that you always accept him.
2 Give your toddler positive physical and verbal reinforcement. As she learns new things, and occasionally struggles with developing important skills, tell her verbally she is doing a good job and physically show positive reinforcement with clapping, pats on the head and back, and hugs and kisses.
3 Offer your undivided attention to your toddler when he is telling you something or showing you something he made or a new skill he learned.
4 Reward good behavior such as sharing, eating all of her dinner, going to bed when requested without complaint, and potty-training success. Conversely, have patience with your toddler when she is getting frustrated or acting out with a tantrum.
5 Be consistent about the rules he must follow at home and in public, and explain them in a logical way he can understand. Explain the proper way to behave as well as the reasons behind it.

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Self-Esteem Games for a Classroom

Self-esteem building straddles the border between the classroom and the counselor's office, but with the adaption of the zero tolerance for bullies policies across the U.S., self-esteem asserts its need to edge further to the side of classroom inclusion. Games that build self-esteem often lend themselves to building a healthy "team" atmosphere between students. This atmosphere is conducive to greater self-confidence, and sometimes, greater motivation to do well in school.

Heads Up Seven Up Variation

In this game, five students are selected to stand at the front of the classroom, while the remaining students put their heads on their desks, covering their eyes and holding their thumbs up in the air. The teacher then reads off an instruction, for example, "Go to a student who is kind to others," or "Go to a student who is a good listener." The five standing students should each gently push down the thumb of a student who they think demonstrates these admirable qualities. Once five students have been selected, they must stand up and guess who chose them. If they guess correctly, they get to trade places with the standing student.

Talent Chain

In this activity, give every student five strips of colored paper, and tell them to write a quality about themselves that they admire on every strip. Qualities could include that they are friendly, that they are good at baseball, or that they are organized. Demonstrate to students how to make a paper chain using their strips, and have them make a chain using their five strips. Next, have students work together to join their chains, and ask them what it symbolizes when all of their talents written down combine to make a very long chain.

Attitude Charades

In this game, a teacher must write different negative attitudes onto pieces of paper and drop them into a hat. Examples of negative attitudes may include "jealousy" or "frustration." Two students go each turn. One student pulls a paper out and acts out a scenario displaying the attitude written. The second student must guess what is being acted and then offer a suggestion to help change the negative attitude to a positive one.

Human Thermometer

In this game, the teacher designates one side of the room as "strongly agree," and the other as "strongly disagree." The students begin by standing in the middle of the room. The teacher will read out statements, such as "Sometimes I worry about being liked." The goal is to have students see that they are not alone in the things they believe, fear, or worry about, and that they all need to work together to support each other.

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How to Improve a Teenager's Self-Esteem

As a parent, you must be aware of the impact you have on your teenager's sense of self-worth. Your words and actions help build or tear down your teen's self-esteem. Self-esteem issues affect teenager's from all walks of life whether they be healthy or ill, rich or poor or come from an a single-parent or two-parent home. During those moments, it will be up to you to step in and coax your child to improve her self-esteem.

Instructions

1 Praise your child for making positive decisions and caring for his appearance. Tell him you like his hair style and he looks handsome. If he brings home a test with a higher than normal score, tell him, "Excellent job. I appreciate your hard work." Putting a positive value on his actions shows him he is worthy of recognition.
2 Trust her to make decisions. Show her she is capable of finding the answers for which she is looking. Talk to her about the events taking place in her life. Allow her to discuss situations and find a solution. Knowing she has the intelligence to problem solve will build self-confidence.
3 Show empathy towards your teen. Relate to the situations with which he is faced. Tell him that "society was different when I was a teenager, but I remember how difficult it could be." Do not diminish his feelings or pretend to know exactly what he feels. Speak in a calm voice and reassure him with possible solutions to the situations plaguing him.
4 Set achievable goals for your teen. If she is musically inclined, push her to try out for choir or to ask the band or orchestra director if she can test for a better seat. Tell her it's acceptable to not be the best at everything.
5 Spur her to give back to the community. By doing so, you are telling her she is good enough to help others.
6 Create a healthy routine for the entire family. Serve whole grains and limit junk food. Play outdoor games as a family. Exercise and a well-balanced diet work together to create a healthy teen. When you focus on the family as a whole you avoid pointing out any one individual in need of making a physical change. Healthy teenagers generally have higher self-esteems.

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How to Build Self Confidence Quickly

You may need a strong dose of self confidence to facilitate a seminar at a conference or meet with your boyfriend's parents for the first time. Alternatively, you may have landed an interview for the job of your dreams. In each case, you must step up to the plate and deliver your best performance. While it is normal to have a few butterflies beforehand, develop strategies that can help you build up self confidence quickly.

Instructions

1 Practice positive self-talk. Before a major presentation, meeting or interview, repeat affirmations or true statements about yourself. For example, "I am a seasoned professional who can inspire and motivate others to reach their potential" or "I am a loyal and supportive woman who will make Tom an excellent wife."
2 Call supportive people. In any new or stressful situation, surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. If you are feeling low, call a trusted friend or relative for reassurance and a positive energy boost. If possible, try to arrange a breakfast or lunch a few hours before the special interview or event. Avoid or limit any dealings with negative individuals who criticize or put down your goals.
3 Take a 10-minute break and imagine yourself celebrating your accomplishment. You could plan the special dinner you will have after you land the job. Alternatively, you could mentally prepare the keynote address you will give to a gathering of young entrepreneurs in a few years time.
4 Use your journal or a personal online blog to express gratitude for all the wonderful people and accomplishments in your life. If you journal on a regular basis, read any previous entries that describe positive events in your life.
5 Surround yourself with tangible proof of your previous achievements. Keep trophies, awards and congratulatory notes on display in your workplace or home. Look at them regularly, especially when dealing with any new challenges in your life.
6 Take a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Breathe in the fresh air and breathe out any negative or stressful feelings. In most cases, a short 10-minute walk will energize you for the day.

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Black Women Self-esteem Tips

The black woman is among the most maligned groups in America. She does not have "good hair;" black men abandon her for white women because she is too bossy and assertive; she has the highest HIV rate of women under 25; she is nothing but a welfare queen raising children with no fathers present. Under such negative connotations, it's hard to see any silver lining to being black and female in this country, making it all the more important for her to develop a high sense of self-esteem.

Hair

Your hair is nappy. You cannot run an industrial-strength comb through it. So what? You're mad at that mess atop your head you were born with? Who cares if it doesn't conform with more Euro-centric, straight hairstyles? As a black women, you have arguably the most diverse set of hairstyles to choose from, more so than women of other races (many of whom emulate black hairstyles). Everything from bouncy bobs to curly little afros are yours. Embrace them, and stay away from those relaxers!

No Black Men Anywhere!

News Flash, ladies: Essence, Ebony and the thousand other news outlets that made it a recurring story: most black men do marry black women. According to a 2003 study performed by the Association of Black Sociologists, only 1 out of 10 black men will marry someone of a different race. That means 90% of black men marry black women. And while 45% of black women have never strolled down the aisle, the overall black marriage rate increased from 46.1% in 1996 to 47.9% in 2002. For those still looking for Mr. Right, consider interracial dating if you cannot find any black men who suit you. Your knight in shining armor might come in a different skin color.

Too "Assertive"

So you've been told that you're too assertive or independent. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're not biting off people's heads left and right for the slightest things, being assertive is crucial to surviving in this tough world. As is having a strong financial foundation. Go on and make your money. Everything else will fall in place in due time.

Just Live!

The media will always try breaking down the disadvantaged for ratings, not giving a care in the world to any resulting repercussions. Magazines will keep saying black women are not marriage material. Modeling agencies will keep measuring beauty by Caucasian standards. While there have been some breakthroughs in both areas for black women, reality is, you can't change how the press disseminates news. Walk in your own shadow and know that as a black woman, you are among the most unique individuals walking this planet. Tell that to yourself every day, and everything else will seem futile in comparison.

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Learn About Activities to Build Self Confidence

Self-confidence is a key to good mental health but building self-confidence requires some work. Even the most successful people suffer from periods of self-doubt, and families and co-workers do not always realize the need for recognizing accomplishments and worth. If your self-confidence needs a boost, there are activities to help bring out your confidence.

Setting Goals

Perceived failure is fatal to self-confidence. If you are constantly frustrated at not accomplishing your day's goals, perhaps you're not being realistic. Write down the goals you want to accomplish. Be specific. For example, don't write "Clean the house." Write, instead, "Scrub the kitchen counters" and "Organize the bedroom closet." If it's a big goal, break it down into steps, and cross off the steps as you accomplish them. This will give you a feeling of accomplishment and provide the self-confidence to follow through with other goals.

Happiness Lists

As Marc Antony says in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." Often, a single bad event---a harsh word from a friend, a mistake at work---overshadows everything else that happened that day.
Before going to bed every night, make a list of five things that happened to you during the day. Are they mostly good or mostly bad? If you find yourself listing mostly bad things, change your focus to list only five good things that happened during the day. Ask family or friends for help if you can't come up with five things. Store these lists. After a bad day, pull out the lists and read through them as a reminder of what you have accomplished and are capable of. This will give your self-confidence a boost, even in times of failure or hurt feelings.

Bulletin Board

When our children do well on a test or report card, we post it on our refrigerator to celebrate their accomplishment. Why not give that same confidence boost to ourselves? Find a spot at home or at work that you see several times a day. Set up a confidence-building bulletin board in that spot. Fill it with anything reminding you of your worth. Things to post can include a copy of a congratulatory email from your boss, a loving birthday card that made you smile, a photo of a vacation or party that made you happy. Keep the board fresh. Try to add something new to it every month.

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Using Image Visualization for Self Esteem

Many people claim that image visualization can help you achieve goals and increase self esteem. During visualization, you replace negative images with positive ones. Use image visualization to improve the way you feel about your body. Raise your self esteem by creating love and acceptance of your external self.

Instructions

1 Buy a book or CD from a professional visualization coach. Follow the steps to create a visualization technique. See Resources below.
2 Attend a seminar or workshop to help you learn visualization techniques. See Resources below.
3 Find a quiet time and place. Dress in loose, comfortable clothing. Get into a comfortable sitting or lying position. Close your eyes. Relax a part of your body with each breath until you feel calm and rested.
4 Open your eyes slowly. Look over your body. Think positive thoughts about your body. Imagine in detail the things you can do with your legs and arms. Imagine the feeling of movement in your limbs as you accomplish your goals.
5 Close your eyes and visualize your eyes and your facial features. Think to yourself how beautiful your face is. Think of the pleasant things you see with your eyes. Hear kind words coming out of your mouth.
6 Focus on your head and brain. Imagine good thoughts and intelligence moving through your brain.
7 Imagine a light in the center of your body that symbolizes all the good things that have happened and will happen in your life. Keep the sensation as you open your eyes.

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Starting Building Self-Confidence

Self-esteem is your self-perception - how you honestly feel about yourself. Self-confidence is the confidence you have in your abilities to do well. Self-confidence comes from self-esteem. If you have high self-esteem/self-confidence, you value yourself and have a strong sense of self-worth. You feel capable and competent in your abilities. You usually do well in school by getting good grades. You have a lot of friends and don't have a hard time when it comes to dating. High self-esteem and self-confidence also makes you resilient. You have the inner strength to get through difficult times whether it is a break-up, intense academic pressure, or financial turbulence, you can effectively bounce back.

Instructions

1 Take a self-assessment quiz. Start with determining what your strengths and weaknesses are. Make a list of your insecurities. What makes you ashamed of yourself? Friends? Grades? Acne? Overweight? Whatever your insecurities are that are making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, write each down and address it by determining the best ways to resolve them.
2 Getting to the root of the problem will help you clarify what the problem is and resolve it. If there are several, addressing one at time will make the process much easier.
3 Perfection doesn't exist. Even the most accomplished people have insecurities and weaknesses. The difference is they know how manage their insecurities.
4 Focus on the things you have, not the things you don't. A lot of students feel inadequate or inferior because of the lack of material things such as the latest Prada or Coach Louis Vuitton bags. If you acknowledge and appreciate what you have, it can combat inferior feelings because you will develop an appreciation. The inner peace that comes from fulfillment and satisfaction are the building blocks to self-confidence.
5 Humility is the key building self-esteem. Being humble while showing your self-confidence will certainly paint a positive image of you in the minds of others.

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How to Exercise to Boost Self Confidence

Exercising not only helps you control your weight; it has equally important psychological benefits such as an improved self image, more confidence and a positive self outlook. As you begin to feel better about yourself, you're more likely to be motivated to change other areas of your life to control your weight. Exercise also helps you release negative emotions such as anxiety and frustration. When you're ready to engage in behavior that will boost your mental and physical health, you're ready to choose a fun exercise regime.

Instructions

1 Rehearse your workout in your mind before you do it. This will reduce any anxieties or tension you may experience before you exercise. You will be psychologically ready and excited about doing it.
2 Motivate yourself to exercise with positive self talk, like, "Let's do it" or "Keep going." Use these phrases to replace negative thoughts that undermine your confidence in your ability to complete your workout, like your mind telling you to stop.
3 Look at your attempts to exercise as successful and acknowledge your efforts, even when you feel tired or haven't met your goals. This promotes feelings of self-control and competence.
4 Set short-term minimally challenging performance goals with realistic expectations. For example, aim for 20 minutes on the treadmill. Be patient with yourself, especially if you've been a couch potato in the past. When you achieve your goals, you'll be more confident and encouraged to stick to your fitness plan.
5 Get an exercise partner or other people to support you if you feel self-conscious about your appearance or aren't sure about doing the exercise routines. They can encourage and help you stick to your exercise program.
6 Keep a record of your exercise activities, such as the minutes and seconds of aerobics, running distances, weightlifting repetitions, degrees of flexibility during stretching, body fat percentages and class attendance. This will promote your sense of competence and motivation.

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Understanding the Signs & Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

You may have difficulty opening up to others if you are suffering from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can cause you to withdraw and seclude yourself from healthy social interactions. The more isolated you become, the more likely a domino effect will occur where your doubts and fears become magnified due to negative, irrational thoughts about how you perceive the world around you.

Inability to Focus in the Present

Low self-esteem manifests itself through the inability to concentrate on the present moment. You complain or worry about past events or what may happen in the future. You sabotage your own successes by putting yourself down to others or quitting a job or an interest just as you're gaining satisfaction from it. You desire what you can't have, stating it will make you happy. Low self-esteem is often the result of feeling like the victim. You tend to blame others for what goes wrong in your life, rather than taking responsibility and changing the things you have control over.

Relationships

You may find yourself building walls around yourself to keep others out as a result of your low self-esteem. You may fear being hurt if you get too close to someone or that you will hurt them. People with low self-esteem have difficulty putting their roots down and staying in one place. You may seem to be busy and may even overschedule yourself in an attempt not to look at at the feelings and issues that are causing you pain. You also may find you think others have more than you, are better than you or have it better than you. This may or may not be true, but your thought process keeps you from looking at what you are doing in your relationships to make you feel good.

Negativity and Addictions

Negative thinking is at the root of low self-esteem. You may not realize you are telling yourself you don't deserve to be happy or that you aren't good enough. These are often the thoughts that paralyze you and keep you stuck in the negative frame of mind. Addictions can be to drugs, alcohol, food or even an emotion. This is a sign you are suffering from low self-esteem. The addictive substance helps you feel good in the moment, but once the thrill passes, you are left with the same low demeanor.

Solutions

Listen to your thoughts and write them down if you can. If you find yourself blaming someone else, stop and ask yourself if it's really something they did or if there's something you're doing that you have the power to change. The more you are able to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, the more in control you will feel. This is a powerful tool in combating low self-esteem.
Practice deep breathing to stay in the present moment and enjoy where you are at right now. Appreciate what you have and where you are. This will help you ease into a more positive frame of mind.

Try to connect with someone no matter how difficult it may be. Try to remind yourself that others may have the same difficulties and you may be helping them to overcome low self-esteem as well.

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What Are the Benefits of Self Confidence?

Self-confidence can serve you well. Feeling sure about yourself and your abilities is not only beneficial to feeling good but also has a profound impact on the social, professional, romantic and physical aspects of your life.

What Is Self Confidence?

When you have self-confidence, you view yourself in a positive light. This belief allows you to have pride in your judgment and abilities.

Self-Confidence Affects Your Health

Your overall health can be affected by your self esteem levels. A lack of self confidence will affect your mental health and may lead to the development of unhealthy habits.

Self Confidence Affects Your Career

Confidence in your abilities on the job can help you get ahead in your career. As others see you taking pride in your work, they will also gain confidence in you as a co-worker or subordinate.

Self Confidence Affects Your Career

Being confident in yourself will affect your social life. Not needing the approval of others you met will allow you to step outside of your comfort zone and explore different opportunities.

Being Confident, Not Arrogant

Unchecked self confidence can lead to arrogance, which can become a major turnoff for people. Giving yourself a reality check will help you avoid offending those who may misread your confidence.

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Learn About Self-Esteem Building Activities for Teens

Although low self-esteem can be harmful to anyone, it is particularly detrimental during the challenging teen years. During these years, teens are often confronted with a variety of changes and developments. As they compare themselves to friends and fellow students, teens may develop an unhealthy view of their own lives. Fortunately, there are a variety of self-esteem building activities for teens who suffer from low self-esteem.

Making Lists

Although simple, list-making can be an effective method for building self-esteem in teenagers. To begin, the teen should make a list of at least five things she admires or appreciates about herself. This list can include simple things, such as her pretty smile, or more significant things like earning good grades in school. Each day thereafter, she continues to make a new list. These lists might include her five greatest strengths, five greatest life achievements, five people who love and care about her and her five favorite memories. The teen should keep these lists in a special place and refer to them any time negative thoughts enter her mind. If this activity is done in a group, each teen can share her lists with the other members.

Superhero Capes

The superhero cape activity requires a large group of teens who know each other relatively well. Give each teen a large piece of paper approximately 3 feet by 4 feet. The teens write their names in large print along one of the 3-foot edges and then cut out a circle from the same end; the circle should be large enough to slide over their heads. When placed over her head, the teens name should be displayed across her chest, while the rest of the paper flows behind like a cape. Once the capes have been arranged around the room, the teens then scatter around and write positive affirmations on each others capes. The teens should aim to write at least one positive attribute or trait about each group member. At the end of the activity, the teens view their own capes to see what others have written. In many cases, reading these positive statements helps the teens feel a bit like superheroes with high self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Collage

The self-esteem collage is similar to the list-making activity, but it takes away a bit of the vulnerability teens may feel when making lists. For this activity, the teen simply skims through magazines and clips out words or images to represent his life. These clippings might include words that describe his personality, images of activities he enjoys doing, people he admires, places he enjoys visiting, foods he likes or careers he wishes for. All the magazine clippings should be arranged into a collage. If done as a group activity, have teens post their collages for others to view.

Self-Esteem Calendar

Whether it's caused by work, school, sports, family obligations or something else entirely, stress can seriously impact a teens self-esteem. As stress weighs upon a teen, he may slowly allow negative thoughts to enter his mind and his self-esteem suffers. To prevent this, it is important for teens to set aside time each day for things they love; a self-esteem calendar can help them stay on track. At the beginning of the month, give the teen a blank calendar for the month. The teen should then pencil in small things he enjoys doing for each day of the month. Activities might include baking cookies, watching a movie with siblings, playing a basketball game with friends, having a milkshake or reading a chapter from his favorite book.

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Helping Children With Low Self-Esteem

A child with low self-esteem usually lacks confidence and feels doubtful about his abilities and achievements. He might also feel unloved and unappreciated. These feelings can cause a child to avoid new situations out of fear of failure. Low self-worth can also lead a child to talk about himself in a negative way, like saying "I'm fat," or "I'm rubbish at math." Parents and teachers can use a variety of techniques to boost a child's self-esteem over time. It is worth the effort to ensure that the child will grow up feeling good about himself.

Instructions

Be Honest

1 Be careful in your choice of language and approach to the problem. Be honest with a child with low self-esteem and avoid showering her with faint praise like the empty phrase, "You're wonderful." It is more productive to be specific in your dialogue and give praise when she really deserves it For example, if a child scores lowish marks in a test and declares herself to be "stupid," you could point out that she has worked hard and that the mark was higher than last time.
2 Give a child with low self-esteem some specific and regular responsibilities such as caring for a family pet. A job well done will boost self-esteem and show the child that he has the ability to carry out certain tasks. Get involved in the child's hobbies and interests and day-to-day life at school.
3 Reassure the child that making mistakes is a normal part of life and not a disaster. Discuss solutions to problems. If she can learn to cope with upsets and upheavals, new challenges should not prove too frightening in the future and she will have the confidence to deal with life's ups and downs.
4 Set boundaries regarding behavior and show consistency in how you deal with the child. Analyze your own behavior, speech and body language to see if you are unconsciously showing signs of low self-esteem and passing this on.
5 Spend time with your child on a regular basis. Sharing an experience like shopping or soccer will confirm that you enjoy the child's company and this will help boost his self-esteem.
6 Talk to your child's teacher about the self-esteem issue and devise some joint strategies. Perhaps the child could look after a pet at school and at home.
7 Encourage the child to socialize with friends and to take up a hobby that requires social interaction. A team sport or a drama class could help build confidence, but do not force the child because it could make the situation worse.

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