Healthy self-esteem is important for kids to build a strong character base. Kids who feel good about themselves are more confident, independent and better able to make sound judgments and handle peer pressure. Kids with low self-esteem have difficulty problem solving, resisting peer pressure and also are given to higher anxiety and depression. In order to build your child's self-esteem, you must first realize that how a child perceives himself factors into decision-making, attitudes, behaviors, and emotions. Considering these things will help your child grow to be a well-adjusted teen and adult.
- Teach kids to try again and again and again. Children begin learning by persistence at a very early age. Your new baby learns by trial, error and lots of practice to sit, crawl, walk, run and talk. When a child get discouraged in these efforts, parents don't let him just forget about it and crawl until he is 12 years old. Instead, they praise him and encourage him and make him try and try again. This same school of thought must transfer to your child learning to make good decisions. Some kids think they are dumb for making a particular decision to do or not do something, or when they forget certain things they have already learned. Children are under tremendous pressure and need their confidence bolstered. When poor decisions are made, let natural consequences be a teaching experience and not necessarily a punishment. Encourage your child that next time he will make a better decision, but that you are proud he acknowledged his mistake. Do not make fun of or berate your child, as this causes feelings of worthlessness.
- Watch your words. Often, parents get caught up in discipline and regulation of children. Parents can get so busy trying to protect kids and teach them to act appropriately, they can miss the good things kids do. The fact is, teaching good behavior means recognizing it when it happens. When John and Erica are sitting calmly, watching something one of them really hates, compliment them on how well they are taking turns with the television. When kids bring home good grades, brag about them. Tell them you are glad they are using their heads and making good decisions to pay attention in class and do homework. Plan special surprise rewards such as a bowling night or picnic for a week with little arguing and back talk. Tell them why they are being rewarded, but make sure kids know they are special surprises, and not to be expected in return for each and every responsible decision. Kind words and thoughtful deeds go far in making a child feel loved and appreciated.
- Work to build a realistic self-image. Avoid generalizations. "I don't understand my homework. I am dumb!" is a generalization that is false and leads to a negative self-image. "You are an excellent student who is having some difficulty with this concept. You will get it after a bit. Let's see if we can look at it a different way," shows a child the inaccuracy of her statement and encourages her , as well. "I don't have any friends" can be mitigated by, "What about Tyler or Nate? They come by the house all the time to see you. I know it seems that way sometimes, but you are not alone." Focus on your child's positive side and when addressing the negatives, do it in a positive way. "You are failing math. I know you are smart enough to figure this out, but if you would like some help, I will be glad to put in some extra time to get you caught up," sounds much better than, "You are failing math. You'll never get into college at this rate!"
- Engage kids in rewarding activities.Teach your child the value of volunteering. Visit the elderly at a nursing home. Donate old toys to an orphanage. Involve your team in sports leagues that focus on cooperation and character instead of competition. Let your child teach younger siblings or those in need of a mentor how to tie their shoes, read, or put dishes in the dishwasher. Helping a younger child can tremendously boost self-esteem for both kids. Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts teach useful life skills and character. Upward sports focuses on teaching a sport, with respect for authority of coaches and referees, respect and kind treatment of teammates. fair play and sportsmanship. It teaches that it isn't how many games you won, but how much effort you put forth that matters. Activities such as these give kids both peer and adult support in their endeavor to grow and mature responsibly and happily.
- Be affectionate and be a role model. Hug your children. Put "lunchbox love notes" in their school lunch bag that remind them how awesome they are. Praise your child often and honestly. Don't lay it on too thick or it seems insincere and your child may distrust all praise you give. Tell people how proud you are of your child in front of your child. Don't forget to model the behaviors you want your children to adopt. Children will mirror how you act. If you yell or tear down others, your children will be likely to do that as well. Be calm but firm, always honest and fair and show hard working skills and a love of education. This will help lay a foundation your child can build on throughout life.
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